I've found a friend who died for me

1) You do no less than pointing me back to God.
2) I find you absolutely gorgeous (no matter how hard u try to deny it!)
3) You may not have really toned legs but they are short enough! (i'm not very tall)
4) You've got a really sweet voice and i have a soft spot for that
5) You make me wanna be a house husband~
6) I love the way you manipulate me. Hmm.. i love to be around you even if it's just for yourself
7) You seem so weak tt i can't help but be caring.. (An egoistic way of saying, "I wanna be there when you fall.") [Let's chat with Clement and Jon about "pride"]
8) I wanna be there when you're doing well.. Even if it's better than what i've achieved..
8) I would rather have you die before me so that you will not miss me <-- BHB WahHHA!

Dear friends, so long
wasurenai
kurikaesu deai no naka
chiisana kizuato wo
ryoute ni kakaeteru bokura
samayou bakari
kono hateshinai sekai wo mitsumeru
tabibito yo

It's so precious when you have good wishes
Open eyes and see inside of your heart

kodoku to iu kane no ne ga
inori no kotoba wo sasou
sugisaru genjitsu to
yasashiku ikidzuku asu ha
anata no subete
yurusu deshou mayou koto ha nai
arukidasou

It's so precious when you have good wishes
Open eyes and see inside of your heart

samayou bakari
hikari mezashi arukitsu zuketeru
tabibito yo

itoshii tomo yo chikara nakushite mo
kakenukeyou ko n na jidai wo
aisuru hito yo yagate tagai ni
kono machi ni kowa mo sakasou
soshite watashi ha itsu no hi ka mata
utau darou tabidatsu no darou

la la la la

Be holy as God is holy; a broken spirit and a contrite heart, He will not despise. Create in me a new heart & a steadfast spirit. Restore unto me, the joy of my salvation!

As i pondered and i surfed around looking at pictures and facebook accounts,
I started to wonder why my life's so different.

In the past,

While others were happily going out for movies and meals,
i was dealing with fights and riots.

While others were studying together,
i was looking out for brothers who could get hacked the very next minute.

While others were diving into the Word for God for truth,
i was testing out if cigarettes could really cause lung cancer.

While others were sleeping,
i was in a drunken stupor.

While others were enjoying CNY & Christmas,
i was in Brunei.

I've been alone all my life. I've never had a healthy community of friends apart from Royston Png and Edwin Lin until i met some awesome friends like Clement, Samantha and Luke. However, that was only because i was raised up by Jeffrey, my mentor and brother forever.

Now, as i look at my life. I'm still pretty much alone. It's lonely to be a leader. You are restricted and constrained. You're held by unseen rules and regulations. And the amazing thing about this is that, i've been a leader all my life!

I was a student leader of swimming in primary school.

A wing commander of BB, band leader of W&M & gang leader in secondary school.

Project leader, vocal head of W&M & band leader of "kurenai" in tertiary.

Officer in commandos

...

Those who have always wanted what i had, seriously, i'm more than willing to exchange my life with any other. It's not exciting at all...

And what has it done? I have to keep secrets that i'm bounded to keep.
Desiring to be open but closed not by choice but by authority.
A man worth so much more in value, dead than alive.

Now. I'm eccentric! I speak in ways people do not comprehend till i explain thereafter. I'm highly sensitive and put others so much before myself that i self-destruct at times. I speak better to a computer than to a human! For a period of time, tears couldn't well up in my eyes..

I know that Christian living isn't a lonely journey. It's a group tour of Your greatness and i'm awed by Your great work. Grant me a community of love and let me be Your light as well to those who are in darkness.

I know that i'm still a Son of God in whom He's well-pleased. And there's a hope and a future for my life. I can't help but see the immense destiny He has for me. I might be going through a wilderness now. But the future holds great plans for me. I MUST not falter.

I will be holy because You are holy.
I will not let these thoughts hamper/hinder my walk with You. But i will rightly discern Your thoughts.
Consecrate me and make me pure at heart.
Create in me a new heart & a steadfast spirit.

A broken spirit and a contrite heart.
You will not despise. You will not despise.
Forgive me this day my iniquities.
Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory, forever and ever. Amen.

Let me be a soul winner for You.
My life shall never be the same again. Because You came...

Why do you persist Glenn?
What is there for you to gain?
You have given away everything
and it's back to square one
They are gone forever.
Just hope that the people around them are fine.

Your policies count for nothing
Finances are just but subsistence
Pursuit, a total waste of time
And death, a far away dream~

I still do see things and i wonder why my mind makes them up.
A distant land
A violent affair
A bloody scene &
A pair of hands

This heart was made for victory
and no fear has overwhelmed it

Now, no fear but one.
That in all things, i may lose sight of God.

I persist because of You Oh Lord.
All the nightmares, all the trials.
I love You Lord and i know You do as well.
You'll never let me go

This day my sabbath, let me keep it holy.
Take away all my passions and all my drive.
Let me pursue no other except You Oh Lord.
You ARE my passion and my drive.
Compared to You, there's no other..

This day i take my oath. To pledge my life solely to You.
Helper or none, Your discretion.
One thing i ask, numb my heart from all but You.
'Cause for now, only You matter..

"To keep Your lovely face
Ever before my eyes
This is my prayer
Make it my strong desire

That in my secret heart
No other love competes
No rival throne survives
And i serve only You."

I like it best when you're next to me...

Tears streamed down my cheek as i looked back at the practice.
I'm disappointed. Utterly.. Absolutely disappointed..
I lifted it up to God immediately but it couldn't suppress
the emotions that were within..

No practice, no listening to mp3's... again..
No sense of responsibility..
No spiritual awareness..

I loved them, each, like another self.
I have relented so many times, leaving it to the band leads to jurisdict.
I have forced myself through sleepless nights to practice and model for them so
that no one could ever give the excuse that their days were busy because,
C'mon man! Check out my schedule first! If it's not enough, check our Jeff's or Pastor's... Tt's worse!

I felt so dropped.. So war-zoned.. So stoned.. So numb..

But God, You are faithful. You listen. You're gentle. You are gracious.
You will see us through.
Grant me wisdom and help me to lead.
I can never lead without you

Lift me up to the place where i no longer see these things from the ground
but from the perspective of Your shoulders.
I WILL succeed. Only in doing that which You have given me.

I know You will.

Oh Lord, hear my cry!
No longer shall i grief!
For those who sow in tears will reap in joy!

7 went and 15 have gone
Will i put much thought in the 22 and miss out the thousands?
No! My spear has not been put to use and my shield lays in dust.
Have i endured in my own strength any longer, i would be dead.

Be my strength my Lord and help me overcome.
May i please You always and bring a smile on Your face.

Jesus, the Lover of my soul.
I am Your first love and so are You mine.
May i never forsake You for any other in life.
Nothing shall take Your place.
I love You my Lord and nothing shall take Your place.

Come what may!
Shall anything separate me from the love of my God?
Nothing! For nothing can separate me from His love!
I am ready and i am prepared.
Though i'm weak, You are strong.

I have given up everything and have gained You.
And that to me, O Lord, is everything.
I want nothing more than time with You.
Give me time that i may know You more.

At all times i will bless You.
Your praise will be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord!

"At all times I will bless Him
His praise will be in my mouth
My soul makes its boast in the Lord
The humble man will hear of Him
The afflicted will be glad
And join with me to magnify the Lord

Let us exalt His name together, forever
I sought the Lord, He heard me
And delivered me from my fears.
Let us exalt His name together, forever
0 sing His praises magnify the Lord

The angel of the Lord encamps
Round those who fear His name
To save them and deliver them from harm
Though lions roar with hunger
We lack for no good thing
No wonder then we praise Him with our song

Come children now and hear Him
If you would see long life
Just keep your mouth from wickedness and lies
Do good and turn from evil
Seek peace instead of strife
Love righteousness and God will hear your cry"