My life
Be holy as God is holy; a broken spirit and a contrite heart, He will not despise. Create in me a new heart & a steadfast spirit. Restore unto me, the joy of my salvation!
As i pondered and i surfed around looking at pictures and facebook accounts,
I started to wonder why my life's so different.
In the past,
While others were happily going out for movies and meals,
i was dealing with fights and riots.
While others were studying together,
i was looking out for brothers who could get hacked the very next minute.
While others were diving into the Word for God for truth,
i was testing out if cigarettes could really cause lung cancer.
While others were sleeping,
i was in a drunken stupor.
While others were enjoying CNY & Christmas,
i was in Brunei.
I've been alone all my life. I've never had a healthy community of friends apart from Royston Png and Edwin Lin until i met some awesome friends like Clement, Samantha and Luke. However, that was only because i was raised up by Jeffrey, my mentor and brother forever.
Now, as i look at my life. I'm still pretty much alone. It's lonely to be a leader. You are restricted and constrained. You're held by unseen rules and regulations. And the amazing thing about this is that, i've been a leader all my life!
I was a student leader of swimming in primary school.
A wing commander of BB, band leader of W&M & gang leader in secondary school.
Project leader, vocal head of W&M & band leader of "kurenai" in tertiary.
Officer in commandos
...
Those who have always wanted what i had, seriously, i'm more than willing to exchange my life with any other. It's not exciting at all...
And what has it done? I have to keep secrets that i'm bounded to keep.
Desiring to be open but closed not by choice but by authority.
A man worth so much more in value, dead than alive.
Now. I'm eccentric! I speak in ways people do not comprehend till i explain thereafter. I'm highly sensitive and put others so much before myself that i self-destruct at times. I speak better to a computer than to a human! For a period of time, tears couldn't well up in my eyes..
I know that Christian living isn't a lonely journey. It's a group tour of Your greatness and i'm awed by Your great work. Grant me a community of love and let me be Your light as well to those who are in darkness.
I know that i'm still a Son of God in whom He's well-pleased. And there's a hope and a future for my life. I can't help but see the immense destiny He has for me. I might be going through a wilderness now. But the future holds great plans for me. I MUST not falter.
I will be holy because You are holy.
I will not let these thoughts hamper/hinder my walk with You. But i will rightly discern Your thoughts.
Consecrate me and make me pure at heart.
Create in me a new heart & a steadfast spirit.
A broken spirit and a contrite heart.
You will not despise. You will not despise.
Forgive me this day my iniquities.
Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory, forever and ever. Amen.
Let me be a soul winner for You.
My life shall never be the same again. Because You came...