Broken Spirit & A contrite heart
Lord, if this pain can be taken away from me, please let it be. Yet, if it isn't, let it be for Your glory and Your glory alone. Help me to overcome my emotions and move on Lord. To be a Spirit-led machine always ready to do what's meant to be done. Yet, i do know that what makes this machine perfect are its imperfections. I thank You Lord for giving me free choice; A free will to believe, to choose, to feel, to make mistakes and learn from them.
Strengthen me oh Lord, as i pull myself together once again for another series of battles to fulfill Your purpose in me. For what can separate me from Your love? Neither peril nor sword, drought nor famine, lack nor strife, yes, not even death!
As i faced the down members of the war, the beaten members of those who left the faith, as i looked to the responsibilities i have upon my shoulders and how i've been losing touch with them, i can't help but be broken. So broken, everything seemed impossible... "As I look up the mountains of self, where does my help come from!?"
I wondered to myself this day, "When will i be able to do big things? When will i learn the depth of God's love towards me? When will i improve on my management? When will i be able to BECOME the MAN God WILLS me to be?" When can i be the preacher i see myself groomed into? When will my core convictions be in line with my desired convictions and presented in my public convictions? When will my doubts not cause grief but serve its purpose to strengthen my faith instead? When will i truly believe in the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen?
Oh Lord, my desires, my wants, my aims, goals and plans, i lay them at Your feet right now. I don't wanna take them back, i don't wanna think about them at all. Even when i dream, let me dream not of what i want to have done but what You will of me!
My Father, lastly, help me to love again. I have lost the will to love. i know it sounds silly Lord but truly, i've lost my heart suddenly. I don't seem to be able to love as much as before. please restore that to me and help me see what You see in me. Help me to love as You love me. I thank You Father. I love You & i lift all these to You in Jesus' name, Amen.